Trusting God By Lindsay Juedes

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All of my life I have been terrified of public speaking. Just thinking about standing in front of a group of people with all of their expectant eyes watching me, sends a shiver down my spine. Every time I speak in front of any type of group, my stomach turns to knots and I feel as though I am going to be sick. When I have to speak, I talk so fast it’s surprising that people even understand what I am saying and by the time I’m done I should pass out because I forget to breathe in between the bursts of sentences. What scares me is the thought that I will say something wrong, that I won’t make sense, that the people listening will think I’m an idiot, or how they are all silently judging me. I hate public speaking.

I have told God numerous times that I will do anything He wants me to as long as I don’t have to public speak. When He heard me say this He probably laughed to himself and said “well you’re not gonna like me for this one then.” You see, throughout my life I have had multiple people prophesy over me that I am going to be a speaker for God. Deep down I knew that that was what God was calling me to, but every time I heard them say those things I turned and ran in the opposite direction. I continued to run until one morning at the beginning of HLI, during examens. In that time, I felt God nudging me towards the arena of public speaking and for the first time in my life I accepted what God was telling me and said, “Your will be done.” Of course I was horrified for what this sentence consisted of, but I still felt God’s comfort and knew that He was going to be right beside me each step of the way, giving me the strength I needed. 

I would love to say that right in that moment all of my fear disappeared and I could public speak without hesitation whenever needed, but that was not the case. For months afterwards my blood still ran cold every time I got up to talk, but each time I did, I asked God for His help and for His peace. Slowly my blood began to warm and each time I stood up in front of a crowd with all of their watching eyes on me, I realized my nerves began to fade until they all just disappeared and then joy began to take its place. 

Over time I have realized that speaking actually fills me up and brings me joy, which is the complete opposite of how I felt in the beginning. God has never left my side and continuously reminds me that He’s got my back and that it is all going to be ok. There may be things in your life that you dread doing, but maybe consider talking to God about it because it could be the one thing He is pushing you towards. Trust Him, He’s got your back.

Mary McKellick