Trust in Me by Lindsay Juedes
“Trust in Me” are the words that God has been engraving on my heart the past couple of months. While interning for HLI this year I have been overcome with self-awareness. It has been very good, but also very challenging. Those three little words are the ones that have wrecked me the most in my time here at the Duluth Vineyard.
A couple months ago, I was talking to a friend, telling him about how I hadn’t been sleeping very good. He quickly questioned, “Do you trust God with your sleep?” Without any hesitation I said, “No.” I knew that my one-word response was God providing me with a moment of self-awareness, because that word came out of my mouth without any hesitation or forethought. That encounter turned my life upside down. Afterwards, I thought about it... it wasn’t just my sleep that I didn’t trust God with, it was everything. I didn’t trust Him to take care of me. I didn’t trust Him to protect the people I love. I didn’t trust Him with anything I did. I didn’t trust Him period.
After thinking more and more about this new discovery, I realized that of course I wouldn’t trust God, my life has been filled with unreliable people and people that hurt me. So why was He any different? If I didn’t want to get hurt, then I was going to have to take care of myself.
God began to take all of my emotions and hurt from all of these things in exchange for His healing and never ending love. He began to whisper in my ear, “trust in Me,” and after a little bit of time I began to realize that my mindset was changing. I was no longer thinking about why I didn’t trust God, but instead why wouldn’t I? All God has ever wanted, was for me to know and experience His love and to be happy. I started realizing that all the bad things that have happened to me in the past weren’t God’s doing, but instead the darkness of this world. I started to see that terrible things were going to happen no matter what, and instead of letting me drown in defeat, God reached out His hand and pulled me out of the water that was consuming me. He wrapped me in His arms and whispered in my ear “trust in Me.” Yes, awful things will happen, but God can change the outcome of any situation. God is bigger than all the bad stuff. He is bigger than my problems. He is bigger than the universe. He is bigger than me.
I’ve learned that from now on I can either go back to my old ways and do everything on my own, only trusting in myself, and end up at the bottom of a very deep pit (that I dug myself into). Or, I can keep my eyes focused on God and know that He will take care of me. He will protect me, and He will change my outcome.
At a conference I went to this year, someone prayed for me and they felt like they got a picture from God of me standing at the top of a large cliff and at the bottom of it was water. They said that I was standing there with an abundance of gear and it was too much for me to carry by myself. The burden of it all on my shoulders was weighing me down and I couldn’t continue on the path God has set before me. That person then said that what they felt God was telling me through this picture, was that If I keep putting everything on my own shoulders, it’s going to hold me back and that all I needed to do was trust that God will give me what I need and that He will take care of me. So now it’s my choice, I can trust in myself and remain stuck at the top of a cliff with all of the burdens I have put on myself, or I can drop everything and jump and trust that God will do the rest.